Help save marriage advice is right here. No one has all the answers, I sure don’t. But I also know that human nature is such that we tend to make things harder than we have to, and we tend to not see the forest for the trees. That’s why getting advice from a complete stranger can be so effective, I may not know you but more than likely (even though it may be hard to understand) your situation isn’t all that unique. Marriages fall apart for two major reasons: lack of respect, and lack of communication. Finding ways to reverse those bad habits can help you save your marriage and even make it stronger than it’s ever been. An added bonus is that it can also make you a better person.
First, let’s look at the lack of respect. This can be manifested in many ways. It can be subtle like making snide comments or ‘jokes’ about the way your spouse cooks, the extra pounds they’re carrying around, etc. The point is it does come out and all that does be hurt your spouse’s feelings and make them angry and resentful towards you. When that happens they will either withdraw from you and not want to let themselves open up with you, or they will get back at you and start making similar type comments to you. Once that happens everything can spiral out of control very quickly.
Step one is to carefully, and honestly, analyze the way you treat your spouse. There is no such thing as a ‘joke’ if it hurts your spouse’s feelings. If you’ve ever said something, and they said that your comment made them feel bad, and you replied with something like “it’s just a joke, don’t be so sensitive” than my friend, you are wrong, and you are showing your spouse that you don’t respect them or their feelings. If you want things to be better you need to figure out why you are lashing out (yes, that’s exactly what you’re doing) at your spouse. What insecurity or resentments do you feel that make you want to lash out like that?
Step two goes along with step one. When your spouse tries to talk to you, how do you respond? Do you shut them down or do you try to listen? Few of us are great listeners. Most of us just wait for our turn to talk, and we don’t really pay that much attention to what’s being said. If you want to be a happier person with a better marriage (actually all your relationships can be better) then your best bet is to train yourself to be a good listener. This might take time, but it’s time well spent.
Hear what your partner is saying. If you feel like they aren’t really saying what they mean then ask them what they mean. For example, let’s say that you’re sensitive about your weight. If you are you’re very likely to hear insults and digs where there really aren’t any. So if your spouse makes a comment about some fat person they saw on the beach, it’s very likely that in your mind you heard something like “wow, I wish you’d lose weight, I just don’t find you attractive” or something to that effect. The point is that your spouse may have meant it just exactly how they said it or they may have meant it exactly how you think they meant it. Either way, ask them.
The best help save marriage advice I can give is to be confident and comfortable in you. Like whom you are, and you’ll be far less likely to lash out at your spouse because of the pain you’re feeling about your own insecurity. This is what leads to a lack of respect and lack of communication.